Read about Love Takes Over

Dear Editor,

My name is Jillian Armenante and I am an actress in Hollywood, California. You may remember me in such films as Girl, Interrupted, North Country and A Mighty Heart or as Donna on the hit television show Judging Amy.  I grew up the last of five children in an Italian/Irish Catholic family. My dad had a textile mill in Paterson, New Jersey and was a veteran of WWII and my mom stayed at home with the kids .

As a child growing up in Northern New Jersey, it was difficult for me to come to terms with being gay. The derogatory names being flung around my high school were enough to terrify me into not being open and truthful about my sexuality. I spiraled into dangerous and self-destructive behavior, not knowing if I would be accepted by my friends or family. After a tumultuous youth, I ran away to Seattle and found a community that seemed much more understanding about my sexuality. 

When I did finally ”come out” to my family, they had a lot of questions, but were very supportive. I was lucky. Others in my position have been much less fortunate. I have known gay people who were excommunicated from their family, forced into electric shock therapy, attempted suicide…the list goes on. 

While working in the theatre in Seattle I met the love of my life, Alice. That was fifteen years ago. It is difficult to describe that moment when you first see the person you will love perpetually. It is not about gender, it is simply about love. 

We have two beautiful girls, ages five (I gave birth to) and one (Alice gave birth to). We raise our family with compassion and values. We have a loving, happy life together. We own a house and pay our taxes, albeit more than we would pay were we a heterosexual married couple. We are one of the few couples who were legally wed in the State of California before Proposition 8, banning such marriages, was passed. In California, I am a married mother of two children. To the federal government I am a single woman with one child. My rights as a parent are protected in my state, if I don’t ever leave my state. This is not freedom.  

A few years ago, I was told by the U.S. Passport Agency that I was not allowed to leave the U.S. with the daughter I gave birth to, without supplying a marriage license. This is not freedom. 

Having grown up Catholic, I understand that marriage is considered a sacrament.      But, marriage is also a legal union in this country. This country was founded on the principles of religious freedom. Separation of church and state is a political and legal doctrine that government and religious institutions are to be kept separate and independent from each other. The Church of Later Day Saints funded the campaign for Proposition 8 in California to the tune of 72 million dollars. They still have their tax-exempt status. I am still paying my taxes. This is not equal protection under the law. Some protections granted to married straight couples but denied to same-sex couples include - hospital visitation, Social Security benefits, immigration rights, health insurance, estate taxes, family leave, nursing homes, home protection and pensions. But, I digress.

I took a vow in front of God, my family and community, to love Alice- in sickness and in health, till death do us part. I wish my Uncle Sam would have been there to hear our vows. 

I am writing this as part of a nationwide effort called Love Takes Over. All over the country, people straight and gay are writing letters to their local papers, in this grass roots movement, to support gay marriage. I am asking you, on behalf of civil rights, to let same-sex couples everywhere, have the right to marry. 

We want the same things you want- safety and happiness for our children, dignity and respect for our family. The spiritual and civic well-being of our country will only be improved by the addition of a community of married same-sex couples. We are already here beside you, worrying over the same things, struggling toward the same goals. We are your neighbors, we are your sisters and brothers, we are your children. We ask only that we no longer be considered second class citizens. We want to marry for the same reasons you do. Please look into you hearts and let love take over.

- Jillian Armenante

(Los Angeles, California, former Seattle, WA and Paterson, NJ resident)

Note: Stay tuned. We’ll be posting up even more Op-Eds from the project over the next few days. Check out our blog (http://lovetakesover.tumblr.com) to read more Op-Eds.

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